Mr Mom
by Stratagem
Summary: Thor is left alone with his three kids when Jane leaves for a four-day conference in Egypt. Hopefully the house will still be standing when she returns, and the children won't attempt a rebellion after too many breakfast-for-dinners. Thor/Jane


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Thor! This is unfortunate but acceptable since the whole franchise is in capable hands. ^_^ I'd like to be on the team, though, lol.

**A/N:** Soooo, we're timeskipping here into the far future! Maybe I'll explain it all one day, but I'm taking it for granted that Thor came back, became an Avenger, married Jane and had a passel of kids. I think he'd be a family man and having his own little horde of warrior-kiddos would sit well with him. And I like writing characters with lots of kids! Benteinn (Ben), Katrin (Kat) and Tannr (Tanner), the Thorson/datter clan sorta belong to me. Oh, yes, and I'm going to do a sort of omniscient third-person POV here cause I wannnaaaa.

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><p><strong>Mr. Mom<strong>

In the earthly home of Thor, there were quite a few wonderful and awe-worthy things. There were paintings from Alfheim, holographic star maps from S.H.I.E.L.D., weapons from Asgard, and other various treasures gathered from the far reaches of the universe. There was a loving, strong relationship between an otherworldly being who controlled thunder and lightning with a hammer forged of unknown metals and a human woman with a kind heart who could whip up some awesome chocolate chip pancakes and liked to drill astrophysical theories into her very young kids. There were also three children who displayed fantastic feats of strength, agility and stamina on a daily basis.

But for the moment, a single anguished howl of legendary proportions was the most gripping thing in the entire household. It was a cry of deep despair and confusion, one meant to rend the heart and inspire sympathy and immense pity.

Too bad it wasn't working.

"Tanner, shut up!" shouted Ben, his hands made into fists at his side. If his blue eyes could've shot lightning, he would've shocked his annoying little brother. The whole family was gathered in the foyer of their two-story adobe home in New Mexico, saying goodbye to Mom, and Tanner was throwing an impressive but irritating fit.

At eight-years-old, Ben considered himself to be far above such ridiculous displays. So what if their mom was going away for a couple days? It wasn't like she was leaving them forever…she wouldn't do that. He shoved his hands back through his thick, short blond hair, making it stand on end. "You're a big bratty baby."

The wail continued, only getting louder, and Jane frowned at her eldest. "Ben, you're not helping. And don't say that to your brother."

"Does that mean I can say it to other people?" he asked. A hand came up and caught him gently against the side of his head. However, there was enough force there for him to know that the answer was no. He glanced up to see his father towering over him, one arm holding Ben's four-year-old sister Kat who had her hands to her ears. She was definitely pouting. In his other hand was Mom's big suitcase.

Her science stuff had already been sent to, where was it again? Oh, yeah, Cairo. In Egypt. With all the cool Egyptian stuff that he wasn't going to be able to see because Mom didn't want to take him out of school and Kat out of preschool. So unfair.

"Tanner, come on, it's not like I'm leaving forever, sweetheart," Jane said. She reached down and attempted to disentangle her two-year-old son from her right leg. "I'll be back before you even realize I'm gone, if you'd just let go..."

"NOOO!" Tanner shouted, at least making an actual word this time. Granted, that _was_ his favorite word. His brown eyes were wide, and the veins in his neck were sticking out. Wild blond hair hung in curls around his contorted, desperate face. His grip was remarkably strong thanks to all those Asgardian genes, and he seemed to be attempting to cut off her circulation. Maybe his warrior instincts were kicking in early, and he thought he could incapacitate her and keep her at home by ruining her leg.

Jane tried a new tactic. "Please, Tanner? I promise I'll come home, I really will, you'll see."

"NOOO!"

"Let go, Tanner!" Jane demanded, now tugging at his arms. They were stuck on like a bear trap, and he had gone back to yelling random sounds.

"Shall I take him?" Thor asked as he set the suitcase and Kat next to where Ben was standing by the front door. He brushed his hand down Kat's brown-gold hair and tugged affectionately on her French braid, which made her reach up and grab for his hand. He squeezed her little hand as Jane fought with the tiny immovable object latched onto her leg.

"No, I've got it," Jane said with a grunt.

He watched her struggle with the toddler. He tried not to smile, but the clash of determined mother and stubborn child was amusing. Tanner's wails turned into shrieks as he buried his face into her ankle.

Thor loved each of his children, but Tanner was currently grating on everyone's already frayed nerves. The house had been in something of an understated uproar since Jane had expressed her wishes to go to this…conference.

He had gained a healthy dislike for conferences since then.

Thor did not like it when Jane was far from his side for very long, and these next four days would be quite a long time, the longest they had been apart in a few years, in fact. However, Jane wished to go, and the children needed someone to stay home and care for them. His efforts to get Jane to allow them to take time out of school had failed, and he had received a lengthy explanation as to why an education, even at so young an age, was an extremely, extremely important thing, and that it should not be interrupted without good reason. And no, this was not a good reason.

Kat pressed her hands tighter over her ears. She hated loud noises, and Tanner was a basically just a yell on two legs in her opinion. Not to mention she didn't want Mommy to go. She didn't understand why she had to leave. There was lots for her to do here. Mommy shouldn't go. It wasn't _right_. But she wasn't going to throw a fit like Tanner. She knew it wouldn't work. It never worked with Daddy.

After letting the grand battle go on for a few more moments, Thor stepped closer to his wife. He knelt down and carefully grabbed Tanner by the waistline of his blue jeans. He lifted the boy a little ways off the floor and gave him a shake, but he still clung to his mother's leg. Tanner glanced and saw his father's stern face, which quieted him instantly, but he refused to let go of Jane's leg.

"Your mother needs that leg," Thor said, covering up a laugh with forced seriousness, "You will release it to her now."

Tanner wailed one last time, a big tear trailing over his chubby cheek, and let go of his mom's leg. Thor lowered him back to the ground, and Tanner just laid there. Spread eagle and limp, shaking with sobs smothered by the floor, Tanner laid like some kind of fallen hero awaiting the coming of the Valkyries.

Ben threw his hands into the air while Kat kept her ears covered, expecting another round of screaming at any time.

"He _is_ a brat!" Ben exclaimed, pointing to his brother, "That's what a brat does. Look at him."

"Ben!"

"Mom!"

Thor straightened up and looked down at his youngest, eyebrows knitted together in concern. Kat walked over, still holding her ears, and nudged her brother with her bare foot. Tanner seized up, made a goatish noise and deflated again.

"Mommy, Daddy broke Tanner again," she said quietly, her face solemn, hazel eyes glancing from one parent to the other.

"I did not break him, Kat, he's far too hardy," Thor told her. He looked at his wife. "And he is far too old to be doing this still."

"Oh, he's fine," Jane said with a smirk, "He's a two-year-old with your flair for the dramatic. This is expected." She bent down and picked Tanner up, rolling her eyes as he continued to act as if he had no bones. Grinning, she planted her face into his stomach and blew, giving him a raspberry. Immediately he erupted into giggles, arms and legs coming to life. "There's the Tasmanian Devil."

"I am not dramatic," Thor said. He frowned when Ben and Jane shared a look, and Ben started laughing. "I am not!"

"Dad, you totally freaked when we ran out of coffee last Monday," Ben said. He raised a fist into the air and shook it, a near perfect mimic of his father. "Jane! Coffee! It is gone!" Now he waved his arms back and forth, making Jane bite down on a laugh while Thor's brow furrowed. "Fiends from Hel hath stolen it! Mjolnir! To arms! Summon the Warriors Three!"

Thor let out a mock-roar and swooped down on the eight-year-old, grabbing him up and crushing him to his chest. "And who are you to mock me?" he teased, tightening his grip. "Coffee is important."

Ben kicked back against him but there was no intent to harm. "Daaaaad." With a bit of twisting, he slipped out of Thor's arms and tackled his father's side.

While the two of them wrestled, Kat walked over to her mom and tugged on her sleeve. "Mommy, when does your plane fly?"

Jane balanced Tanner on her hip and glanced down at her wristwatch. She made a face. "Ooo, really soon, baby."

Thor grimaced and paused, Ben tucked firmly under one arm. "Must you go?"

"Yep," she said, setting Tanner down. He started for her leg again with hopeful gusto, but Thor snatched him up and put him under his other arm.

Jane looked at her child-bedecked husband and smiled, more than a little worried. Thor was quite capable of saving at least nine realms, and he absolutely adored his kids, but…he had never stayed with the children for four days alone. She was somewhat nervous about it but luckily her babies were half-indestructible. That made it much easier to leave. Still, she would desperately miss her kids and husband, but she had to do this. This conference was important for the future of astrophysicists everywhere, and she knew Thor could handle it.

Okay. So she hoped instead of knew. Big deal.

She quickly kissed the kids, pausing for a moment to give each one her full attention and a few specific instructions. "Behave and don't eat too many cookies. Especially not the raw kind! Don't bring home any stray animals. Don't feed your homework to the goat. Help your father with the chores." After she hugged and kissed quiet little Kat, Jane was pulled into Thor's arms.

His breath moved her hair gently as he rested his cheek against the top of her head. "You will never realize how much I miss you when you are not with me," he said softly, his voice warm and smooth, like hot chocolate.

"I bet I can," Jane replied, tilting her face up to kiss his chin, "Because I miss you more."

"Please stop," Ben said. He stared at them with a disgusted face. "That's gross."

"Then close your eyes. It shall become worse," Thor stated before he bent down and kissed Jane, first gently and then more vigorously, his hands drifting up into her hair as his lips explored hers. Sweetness and fire wrapped in beauty, she was his and his alone. When the kiss ended with Jane taking a breath, he smiled and rested his forehead against hers. "You're mistaken. I will truly miss you more."

Jane laughed and pressed her face against his chest as she hugged him. "You're impossible. And so competitive. Can't I win this one? Just once."

"Definitely not."

"My eyes are burning," Ben declared, rubbing at his eyelids, "It hurts!"

Beside him, Kat was just smiling while trying to keep a grip on Tanner. The toddler was struggling hard to escape his sister's grasp, and it wouldn't be long before he escaped from her. He had always been super strong.

"Mommy, me wan' go!" he declared, thrusting a chunky fist at himself. "Tan go wif Mommy."

"Not this time," Jane said, softening a bit as his bottom lip jutted out. "Sorry, kiddo."

Thor looked over at the kids, his arms still around his petite wife. This was going to be a very long four days.

Jane turned in his arms and glanced over her three perfect/nearly perfect children. Smiling, she gestured toward them. "Get over here."

A second later they were wrapped around her and Thor and squashed between them and in their arms. For a moment, she intensely regretted her decision to not bring the whole family along. Then a horn honked insistently.

The hug immediately broke, and she was hurrying out the door, calling out last minute bullet points and rules and affirmations of love as she went, Kat holding one of her hands and bringing her pocket book. Thor followed with her suitcase and a sniffling Tanner, and Ben brought up the rear, trudging along. The last round of goodbyes was swift and quick since Jane's ride was in a hurry.

"And if you really need help, Pepper's number is in your cell phone, remember that," she said while Thor placed her suitcase into the back of the grey, beat-up pick-up truck. "And your phone is in the kitchen, on top of the bread box."

Thor smiled and took her hand in his. "I don't believe it will be so difficult."

"I'll be back on Thursday, all right?" she said, "And you can always call me, and I'll answer, and don't cook anything on the oven's back left burner, it's broken, and—"

He cut her off with a kiss before laughing, his forehead touching hers again. "Jane. I can do this. I swear to you, I will not allow any harm to come to our children or this house." His blue eyes danced with amusement and memories. "Deal?"

Jane grinned and kissed him quickly, gently nipping at his lip. "Deal."

"Quit kissing already," Ben whined, "It's embarrassing…"

"Only because you asked so nicely," Jane said, rolling her eyes at her eldest. Kat stepped forward and handed Jane her pocketbook.

"Thank you, baby," she said, smoothing the girl's hair before she climbed into the truck, "Love you guys! Be good!"

Thor closed the truck door and lifted Tanner for her to kiss once again. He then gave her one last, long kiss through the open window. "I love you, Jane. Be careful," he said, his hand covering hers, "I will keep them safe."

"And fed, hopefully," she teased before smiling at him, "You'll be fine."

"I shall," he said as he stepped away from the car, a half-pained expression on his face.

"And Thor?"

"Yes?"

"I love you, too."

That impossibly charming, infectious grin spread across his face. "Good."

As their mother rode off to freedom and adventure, leaving their dad to stand in the yard and forlornly watch the truck recede into the distance, Ben looked at Kat. "We're gonna starve."

Kat smiled to herself. Mommy had left the pizza place number on the fridge and told her about it. They wouldn't starve.

Again, the myth-worthy wail began, softly at first and quickly raising to a scream that threatened to shake the foundations of the house.

Yes, Thor thought to himself, this was going to be a very, very long four days.

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><p><strong>AN:** Hope the kids/family came out semi-realistic. ^_^ I had fun writing this. I might continue, though it could be a one-shot. We'll see! I'll probably make it longer.


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